Saturday, January 28, 2012

Nigeria: Between Dogs and Idiots

Nigerians protesting against corruption. Photo Credit: MSNBC Photo Blog

Between Dogs and Idiots

Nigerians are known as very religious people who are almost equally divided between Christianity and Islam, the two most popular religions in the world. Millions of the Christians love flocking to their different churches every Sunday and millions of the Muslims flock to their mosques every Friday and even cause traffic jams along their routes. But God knows that majority of them are UNFAITHFUL to their FAITH, because they don't even practice what their faith requires and which is a shame no matter how you twist it.

To me the most popular religion in Nigeria is Hypocrisy, because majority of Nigerians are the devotees of this religion of conceit and deceit. And these hypocrites are proud of their religion from the street to the pulpit and from the bedroom to the boardroom.

Those who are not like them are the endangered species among them.
They don't read and when they even read, they read for their philistinism.
Garbage In, Garbage Out (GIGO).
They have refused to learn the hard lessons of life from the past mistakes of humans in history.
In most cases, they are like father like son or like mother like daughter.
Alas! The chickens have come home to roost.

I have to come down to their domain and let them amuse me with their dog eat dog life.
You can really overcome them if you understand how to apply the Neoplatonic and Aristotelian logic.

During the nationwide strike over the removal of the scandalous fuel subsidy on petrol, hordes of them were on the street, protesting. But the same hordes pretending to be innocent and holier than the corrupt rulers and their cabal of the oil cartel are guilty of different scandals from within the dirty closets of their homes to their workplaces, cheating, lying and stealing in their conceit and deceit.
Among the legions of protesters were the employees and applicants writing numerous applications and sponsorship proposals to the various companies owned by the corrupt political contractors and the cabal of the oil cartel and would later be at their beck and call playing to their gallery to curry their favour. Nigeria is a black comedy of some sorts.

Even the transporters using diesel hiked the transport fares!
Those selling kerosene and using kerosene for cooking also inflated their prices.
A medium-size bottle of water that sold for N50 before the removal of the subsidy is now being hawked for N70 by many of them. And even girlfriends have increased their demands for welfare allowances. Brazilian hair weave is now costlier she claimed! And the taxi cab fare from Okokomaiko is now N4, 000 to Yaba.

You will never know the true character of a poor person until you test him or her with money and power. Then you shall see the true colours.

The so called poor masses are not holier than the so called rich rulers they were cursing during the street protests.

Let me share the following with you to conclude my article. It is a humorous piece from Rev. Emmanuel Oladipo, the International Secretary of the Scripture Union, who is the father of my best male friend who is from Esie in Kwara State, Nigeria.

True Tales...They Walk Among Us!

True tales......

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to go home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale 50." The next day someone stole it.

Whilst looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"

When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."
They Walk Among Us!!

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open.

I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific”.
They Walk Among Us!!!

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the staff talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving".

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk...They Walk among Us!!!!!

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount....
They Walk Among Us!!!!!!

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...
They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"...
They Walk Among Us!!!

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding.
"Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.
Yep, they walk among us, too!

They walk among us, AND they reproduce!

~ By Orikinla Osinachi, prize winning Nigerian writer and author of Children of Heaven, Scarlet Tears of London, Bye, Bye Mugabe, In the House of Dogs and other books.

No comments: